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Leaning on the New Version of Me

  I’ve lived through storms that could’ve broken me. I’ve been homeless with six children, holding onto faith when the world told me to give up. I’ve survived a marriage that looked like love on the outside but felt like survival on the inside. I loved deeply—sometimes too deeply—believing love alone could heal what hurt me. But here’s what I’ve learned: we love how we know how. And sometimes, the people we love can’t meet us at the level we give. Their capacity doesn’t determine our worth. My love was never wasted—it was a reflection of the abundance within me. From Survival to Self-Discovery For years, I wore every title: mother, wife, provider, comforter, fixer, and the one who always figured it out. I thought my value came from what I did for others. I poured from an empty cup, mistaking exhaustion for purpose. It wasn’t until I stopped chasing validation that I found alignment. In that stillness, I met a woman I hadn’t seen in years—the woman beneath the titles. S...
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Drowning in the Quiet

I woke up this morning with that ache in my chest—the kind that don’t ease up with sleep. I reached out, half-hoping, half-dreaming, wanting to see you lying there beside me. But the bed was just as empty as my heart’s been feeling lately. Looking for Myself in the Mirror I rolled outta bed slow and heavy, dragging my feet to the bathroom like I was walking through mud. I didn’t want to think about how cold them sheets felt without you, so I kept moving. Threw on a wig, slipped outta that big ol’ T-shirt I’d been sleeping in, and caught my own eyes in the mirror. Standing there in that black sports bra and panties, I didn’t even recognize the woman staring back at me. Her eyes looked tired, like she been carrying the weight of the whole damn world. My lips wanted to cry out, to scream so loud the walls would shake, but I couldn’t. My babies still asleep, and they don’t need to hear that kind of hurt. Screaming on the Inside I swallowed that scream whole. Let it settle d...

I Crumpled. I Fell. But I Didn’t Break.

Today was a hard one. I woke up with that deep, quiet ache in my chest—the kind you don’t talk about out loud because... what would you even say? I didn’t need coffee. I didn’t need a to-do list. I needed to be held. I needed someone to see  me . Not the mama. Not the provider. Not the strong woman who always makes it happen. Just me. The human behind it all. Yesterday, I Tried to Have a Grown-Up Conversation—with My 9-Year-Old Let me tell y’all how lonely divorce can still feel—even after six years. Yesterday, I found myself sitting across from my 9-year-old daughter trying to have a deep, grown-folk, “let’s talk about life” kind of moment. I was just desperate for  connection . Some real, stimulating, heart-level conversation. This baby blinked at me mid-snack and hit me with, “You know flamingos aren’t pink when they’re born, right?” 😐 I sat there like,  "Girl, what in the Discovery Channel is happening right now?" But honestly? That was all she had. And I didn’t blam...

Grieving the Love That Almost Took Me With It

From blind loyalty to seeing it for what it really was—this is my healing story August 2019: The Paper Said “Divorced,” But My Soul Was Still Married August 2019 is when the divorce was finalized. After years of trying to hold together a life that was already falling apart behind closed doors, I stood in front of a judge and legally let it go. Simple as that. A few signatures, a final hearing, and boom—over. But what they don’t tell you is, the real grief doesn’t come when you sign the papers. It comes later. When the silence hits. When the “us” you built your world around suddenly disappears—and all you’re left with is memories and mess. The Cry That Changed Everything It hit me outta nowhere. I took a deep breath, trying to act like I was fine, and then it came—a sob so deep and ugly, I thought it would never end. The kind that starts in your stomach and shakes your whole body. I couldn’t tell if I was grieving, releasing, or completely falling apart. Turns out, it was all three. Tha...

Mindfulness for Moms: How Slowing Down Saved My Sanity

Hey mama, Let’s be real—when was the last time you  really  took a deep breath? Not the kind you suck in between toddler tantrums and dinner prep, but the kind that fills your lungs and actually reminds you that  you’re still here ? For me, that moment didn’t happen until I found mindfulness. As a mom of many, life is loud, messy, and gloriously full… but it’s also  a lot . Somewhere between soccer practices, science projects, and the 947 snacks I hand out daily, I realized I was surviving more than living. I wasn’t present—I was perpetually five steps ahead or two steps behind. Then, one exhausted evening, I tried something radical: I sat still. Just me, a quiet room (okay, semi-quiet), and a few minutes of deep breathing. That tiny pocket of peace? It changed everything. So today, I want to talk about  mindfulness —not as some fancy wellness trend, but as a lifeline. Here’s how it’s helping me master  me , even in the middle of motherhood chaos. 1.  ...

When Safe Feels Scary: The Intrusion of Abandonment Wounds

  It’s Not That I Don’t Want Love… I Just Don’t Trust Safe Spaces Yet Every time something starts to feel good… starts to feel safe… starts to feel like maybe I could finally breathe— something inside me panics. I start looking for exits. Start waiting on the shift. Start bracing myself for the goodbye before they even say hello properly. Because somewhere along the line, my nervous system confused peace with danger. And now, when someone offers consistency, presence, and care… my spirit whispers, “Don’t get too used to this. You know how this ends.” I Don’t Want to Ruin This. But My Trauma Is Loud. I try not to let it show. I smile. I lean in. I play it cool. But inside, I’m bargaining with fear. Please don’t leave. Please don’t change up. Please don’t get tired of me like the others did. I want to trust. But my past is intrusive. I want to stay present. But the voice in my head says, “Get ready. This is where it usually falls apart.” I wish...